Tagged worst

Crackdown 3: a game of empty, clockwork megacity sadness

RND/ consider a mashup of online review transcripts and edited Loltube video footage to express the empty, clockwork megacity sadness of Crackdown 3:

In which Crackdown 3 has had a bumpy ride full of delays and studio departures, and now after everyone from developers to consumers has finished and done with the final product, it’s all too clear that something went very wrong.

While the bright lights of neon techno-tinged New Providence might seem attractive from afar, the city feels small, hollow, and incredibly bland. It’s a shock to play any game in Crackdown 3’s condition that’s been in development for so long, especially one created exclusively for Microsoft. There are multiple playable agents, but after such a lengthy advertising campaign, selecting anyone but Terry Crews aka Commander Jaxon, feels like a waste. He’s the only recognizable face, and his pseudo humorous outbursts provide the only deadpan chuckle-worthy moments in the game.

You’re sent to this island metropolis to shut down Terra Nova, a private militia run by the psychotic female badguy cliche Elizabeth Niemand. There are brief, crap 2D cut-scenes that give you as little story as possible; the rest of your direction comes from bullshit waypoints and idle radio chatter. Director Goodwin returns from the previous Crackdowns to cheer you on, along with Echo, the refugee-turned-rebel. Good grief. Once you get past the first area, you’re set loose in New Providence to complete the map’s checklist in whatever order you choose. In short, busywork.

Finishing each category of missions brings one of nine bosses out of hiding, eventually leading you to the top brass of Terra Nova. There are a few recordings you can track down and listen to, but they rarely offer new details about the world, merely giving the villains a chance to speak and granting a bit of XP. The near complete lack of an evolving plot or even a base of operations to return to, makes jumping around the map the entirety of the experience. It may seem unfortunate that there’s so little structure, but there’s certainly something to be said for a city-based open-world action game where you just sprint and shoot and cover as much ground as you can. But what, exactly?

The issue may be that there’s so much else going wrong here that even the minute to minute carnage loses its impact after a while – roughly thirty seconds to a minute and a half. Once you take over one of Terra Nova’s locations, like a defense turret or a toxic pipeline, the rest in that district will be labelled on the map. You can focus on one area to hunt down a specific boss, or take off and go to war with whatever nonsense ambles your way. There are also samples of agent DNA you can recover to unlock more characters, poisonous canisters to destroy, and races both on-foot and in vehicles. Woo fucking hoo.

The objectives at each location are repetitive and they can be confusing because specific terminals aren’t always highlighted right away, forcing you to hop around and guess what the game’s asking you to find. Some of these map missions rewire the city to work in your favour. Releasing citizens from prison increases the chance you’ll see them fighting alongside you later on, and capturing monorail stations will unlock travelling turrets that back you up. The city also evolves depending on the order you choose to eliminate bosses, removing their forces from subsequent encounters and increasing your chances of l337 gaming success. Players will noticed these perks as the campaign wears on, but much like the entire game they feel more like set dressing rather than a feature that can really be engaged with, existentially, in any truly meaningful sense.

Your agent can level up in six categories: agility, firearms, strength, explosives, driving, and weeping to themselves internally. You soak up bullshit ‘experience orbs’ when you practice each of these activities, or earn a dose of all types of XP when you locate hidden orbs. Each time you step into a new car or pick up a new weapon, it’s added to a catalog of astoundingly useless items so you can request it later at Agency supply points. These markers also let you respawn or fast-travel. This system encourages you to keep seeking and destroying mindlessly, but gives you little freedom in how you level up your agent, and aside from weeping silently to oneself, the rest of the skills aren’t really necessary. They become an afterthought unless you want to gain access to crazier vehicles or spend time tracking down agility orbs to upgrade your idiot jumping.

Despite the emphasis on the destruction of dead time on planet Earth through playing brainless videogames, the platforming is actually what separates Crackdown 3 from most open-world shooters. Lots of rewards sit in hard-to-reach areas, like propaganda towers you have to climb one ledge at a time. Leaping between tall buildings can be challenging in a way that not many open-worlds experiment with, but there just aren’t any exciting places to visit. The city is entirely believable as an entirely unbelievable nonplace of charmless fakeness, lacking entirely enough style to more than adequately highlight the soul sucking emptyness of the waste-pits, empty freeways, and barren rooftops. (In this strict regard it’s kinda desperate and beautiful.)

Aside from some very tall buildings, high-speed railway lines, and dancing projections, Crackdown 3’s visuals on the standard Xbox One look like something that launched on the Xbox 360. It’s one thing to replace detail with a foul rainbow of neon and bright, dim explosions, but even this is a significant step below already low AAA Games Industry expectations. Muddy textures are always popping in, the framerate chugs every now and then and the character models are frankly embarrassing. Enemy types are simply mindless drones with stiff animations and zero personality, and they sometimes freeze in place or fail to respond when you shoot them.

The bosses are also dull, with only a few offering scenarios that differ from the standard missions. The map is tiny, failing to impress at first and second glance, and it doesn’t resonate in any way when the brief campaign is thankfully over. In that way it exactly mirrors and exemplifies modern (synthetic) life in and under the contemporary hyperreal spectacle of global videogame capitalism.

Like before, the entire game can also be played alongside another human agent online in co-op. Having a partner makes everything only 2-3.75% bit better, whether it’s spotting and eliminating tricky-to-find bad guys or causing a minor ruckus on the barren city streets. It’s up to you to make the most of co-op as not much was designed with a second player in mind, aside from races and supply points. Your buddy is there merely to goof around with and supply a bit of extra firepower.

If you want to challenge other agents, there’s Wrecking Zone, the first attempt at PVP in the series. Matchmaking places you in one of two modes on a team of up to 5 players. Agent Hunter is like Call of Duty’s Kill Confirmed, requiring you to not only eliminate enemy team members, but to pick up the badges they drop to earn points. Territories is your basic conquest mode, continuously creating spots on the map for each team to capture and keep. Everyone’s l337 agility skillz are maxed out, and there are multiple air jets on each map that rocket you to higher ground. Deadpan-yea.

The series’ lock-on shooting comes in handy because agents can move so fast. Other than competitive multiplayer, the big difference between Wrecking Crew and the Campaign is the inclusion of environmental destruction. Most of the walls and platforms can be knocked down in large ugly clumps, clearing segmented parts of the map and giving you few places to hide. It’s supposed to look cool to see each area fall to pieces, but aside from filling up a meter for a super ability that you can also fill by picking up orbs there’s little strategy to demolition.

The maps are separate from New Providence, so you never get to cause similar damage to the actual city. Wrecking Crew is amusing for thirty seconds, but otherwise too chaotic. And with no progression system, there’s zero reason to keep coming back. Crackdown 3 is partying like it’s 2010, ignoring every advancement the open-world genre thinks it’s made in the past decade. The attempts at hu-mor and provocation are amazingly forgettable, and if it wasn’t for Echo and Goodwin prattling in your ear there’d be almost nothing but “absolutely nothing much” to any of it. Indeed, Crackdown 3 precisely excels at “almost nothing” – even in comparison to several of its more recently, pseudo-groundbreaking competitors. No matter how strong your agent can get or how much demolition you can cause, there are simply better cities to save.

In short, Crackdown 3 is an uninspired lazy retread of the original Crackdown, which The Industry might have gotten away with if this was 2007. This game just looks and feels like a budget basement title at best and not even a good-bad one at that. Just a bland mess of clunky physics and impact-free combat. Basically you’re just locking on and holding down a fire button until things are dead. The character floats around when you try and jump and it’s often hard to control – back in 2007 this kind of stuff was acceptable because it was all new and interesting and the open world marketplace wasn’t completely saturated.

As a hollow whole / hole, it’s just so rough and cheap and lazy looking – not lazily made as such, but rather its entire present universe feels so complacent – silently, violently uninspired – inert, lifeless and passive. Bog Standard Fun is all that’s on offer. Congratulations then to Crackdown 3 – the game that only exists to repeatedly tell players it doesn’t need to exist at all.

Illusion is needed to disguise the emptiness within
– Arthur Erickson, architect

The following gameplay video features quiet and lonely ambient music. Mechanical and dumb – welcome to an absurd, lifeless neon wasteland of aimlessly swirling virtual particles. Pew pew pew. Why, the pseudo-movement of brainless cellular automata crawling across an empty screen seem infinitely more interesting to look at. “Hey buddy you need to lite-en up and play Crackdown 3. It’s [/the?] shit.”

  • encoder : Lavf57.83.100
  • Duration: 00:10:25.90, start: 0.000000, bitrate: 15299 kb/s
  • Video: h264 (High), 15217 kb/s, 60 fps
  • Audio: mp3, 44100 Hz, mono, 69 kb/s (default), very quiet


Rage 2 as the worst (most hollow) videogame of modern times

RND/ to consider poor old Rage 2, as perhaps the worst videogame of modern times – one crying out for a new theory of Hollow Videogaming to explain its particular deficiencies.

A fascinating example of a global industry long gone to creative pot and perfectly content to sit on its distinctly minor laurels, imagine Rage 2 as the digital equivalent of taste free Styrofoam Packing Peanuts; the epitome of safe, by-the-numbers design by neckless committee – the apogee of lazy and cynical Corporate Gaming Culture. Yet do not lament for its D.O.A appearance, nor its near-instant passing.

Rage 2: Abandoned Garbage

Mechanically speaking of course, its movement system and moment-to-moment gunplay seem perfectly tuned to standard AAA sub-standards. While decidedly ordinary and mindlessly repetitive (read: normalized), these systems easily pass for what’s commonly termed Fun(TM) by wandering, easily impressed ‘PC Master Race’ hordes. Rinse and repeat till you finally uninstall due to Terminal Boredom.

Blowing up spanner dumb baddies with rockets – unloading round after predictable round of shotgun ammo while in ‘overdrive’ mode into blank, expressionless faces of idiot A.Is somehow remains interesting throughout the short length of the main single player campaign. It has to be – there’s almost nothing interesting about any other aspect of the world presented. As a fragmented whole far less even then the sum of its dull, listless parts, Rage 2 feels like a vast, open world stuffed full of.. nothing much in particular.

To say this game and others like it “doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel” seems a cosmic scale understatement. It’s a long abandoned sandbox in a post apocalyptic playground, casually littered with a few dried lumps of mutant dog crap and crushed beer cans – their ancient corporate logos scoured away by the dust of digital time and the synthetic ravages of game engine sunlight. As though every element of the game merely dropped in, right out of the Digital Void – or was simply pinched off, straight out of the industry’s dark arts.

Users often report crashes to desktop, while repeatedly sighing like unwell wood pigeons. Day one patches abound. Before release, the trailers are pure AAA, hyped up ‘bullshots’ – in game Rage 2 often looks smeary, flat, largely free of geometric detail (bring back megatextures, all is forgiven!) and amazingly devoid of anything approaching Life, Emotion – or Meaning. A barren gaming wasteland, listlessly explored in a little armoured beep-beep mobile, wondering why the heck you pre-ordered (while waiting for Doom Eternal, Halo Master Chief Collection or Keanu Cyberpunk 2077 to arrive.) In the meantime, there’s yet another wastey bandit camp for you to clear out to the deep virtual north of here.

Remember those Super Ultra Generic cans of quality consumer digestibles seen in the Alex Cox’s cult punk road movie Repo Man (1984) which just said “FOOD” on the label? Well, consider Rage 2 in the exact same hopeless category. The helpful phrase ‘naff’ describes it well; a UK term indicating something is of poor quality; dull, flat, deficient. (Think of some cheap widget brought off Ebay that breaks within a week, some small plastic bit snapped off forever.)

Despite the use of awful Andrew W.K whiteboy music, Rage 2 is about as edgy and hardc0re as Your-Dad, a game nobody asked for – and yet still somehow didn’t even really arrive, even as it limped on and then instantly off our collective memory screens. Just view recent Steam Charts for desperate, saddening proof. It’s the long tale of a dead rat.

Rage 2: Concurrent Players (Steam Charts)

The only reason it seems to exist, is that by now it’s pathetically easy for companies to throw violently uninspired games like this together, and then (apparently) make easy polystyrene profits. One can imagine the design brief, tacked to the corner of some poor, half Crunched to death gamedev’s monitor screen – “Wacky Post Apocalyptic Something Loot Shooter.” (Even so, Gamesindustry.biz reports that, comparatively speaking Rage 2 is selling about half what the original did, despite the increase in digital sales.)

As regards artfully chosen aesthetics and coherent overall art direction, at least the original Rage had some – unlike Rage 2, where precise, considered design has been replaced wholesale by garish neon hues and dumb spiky hairdos. (Most NPC’s look like Keith Flint [rip] after a heavy night out on the sauce.) Someone’s making a killing in post apocalyptic hair gel! Fetishistic dystopian nuke porn for a generation all but undead from exposure to the gamma radiation of pre-order hype. (*Cough* I returned my virtual copy within half an hour.) Despite expressing what Jim Sterling disliked about Metro Exodus – that it was hopelessly cluttered and extraneously detailed to near-Baroque levels, featuring “immaculately detailed rust” – at least the original Rage clearly indicated that, at least someone somewhere was honestly trying their best.

With Rage 2 however, the overall tonal deafness and disjunction is complete. It looks and feels like it was thrown together almost automatically, via Algorithmic Google A.I Hive Mind Tech. The visual results are at worst, amazingly banal but at best express a kind of lonely, hollow kitsch. As though the entire game’s universe is simply milling about. Much like its NPC’s. Disconnected fiddling. ‘Faffing’. Permanently idling. Waiting around for a player to come and put it out of its miserly misery with multiple bullets. Truly, a game both from and of a digital post apocalypse.

Several places in Rage 2 remind one of PUBG’s desert map Mirimar – but instead of a timeless desolate beauty, their simply non-places, disappointing loot-deficient cubes.

With Rage 2, the desperate illusion of a dynamic, breathing world has finally come to rest, utterly spent and wasted by the side of the Mad Max highway to videogaming oblivion. It’s a toothless dog that’s crawled under the porch to die, alone and unloved. From this point on, there’s an argument to be made that Rage 2 symbolically stands as the ultimate in abandoned movie sets – half built and jerry-rigged, stuck together with sun melted duct tape and cheap cans of neon paint. (Even now, you can still hear the bearings rattling inside the cans, fading into the silently howling digital desert night winds.) Rage 2 as the static between dead stations, now and forever offline.

Of course, the best-worst aspect of the Rage 2 experience must be the endless (false) need to keep running forward, endlessly scooping up those fucking blue Feltrite Cells (health shards) dropped by recently killed enemies. Naturally these disappear almost instantly, and so must be proactively collected like crack vials. This exactly mirrors 2016’s “Doom Lite”, giving players back health with each kill, thereby forcing them to wade into the fray, like Mario collecting coins. Deliberately putting oneself in harm’s way, chaining – kills like empty, unwashed milk bottle days between – because such action directly feeds into the game’s focus on constant movement as raw AAA corporate videogame consumption.

This is a naked gambling mechanic which seems inspired by the repeated pull of Las Vegas slot machine levers. A straight up dirty psychological tactic, designed for short and long term reinforcement and guiding behaviour, a form of ‘learning’ about dopamine-potential-spike like rewards. In terms of raw disgust, it has to be up there with using Deliberately Slow Walking Speeds to pad out play time (eh, Metro Exodus?) Anything, anything at all to keep us gaming and our attention off the fact we’re being actively diverted from all that truly matters. From the plain fact Rage 2 doesn’t matter in the slightest (and most certainly doesn’t give a single rusted bottle cap about us.)

The two dimensional dialogue of Rage 2 ‘characters’ is amazing – like listening to the inner cringe inducing psychic ramblings of mildly coked up strangers in some try-hard XPox 360 game lobby. Someone disposable (with bad lip sync) yelps “There’s plenty more where that came from. I’m telling you. This is the big one.” To which the listless response is “Alright, then let’s go fuckin’ get some.” Yea. Certainly the kind of quality AAA Industry writing that gets anyone pumped for the action to come! And ooh boy does it ever go on, especially in cutscenes, the first of which players encounter in a sealed vault has them breaking fingernails in attempts to claw the front door open, trying to escape what might be termed an ‘unskippable, unending inquisition by turgid narrative exposition’.

As Danny Brown says or rather screeches in one of Rage 2’s bizarre trailers, “Ain’t it funny how it happens?” To which the answer is no Dan, not really. It didn’t happen by accident but was designed that way. It seems the only point of Rage 2 is to help combat gamer insomnia. Perhaps passing poly-dimensional alien anthropologists from the impossibly distant psychedelic future will eventually pry open the dusty, long-abandoned ark of ‘our’ Corporate Gaming Culture and scratch their elegant insectoid heads in bemusement at this oh-so slight, kinda pathetic 21st Century example of Brainless Digital Fun. Hopefully they will then unceremoniously seal the ark for good, and have no trouble at all forgetting about its existence – and the oh-so safe, dull and hyper derivative product contained within.

Observant players will notice the high numbers of store front mannequins dotted around Rage 2’s blandscape, many of which sport broken televisions (maybe oldschool computer monitors?) on their idiot heads; could there be any more accidentally on-the-nose symbol of this game’s pathological uselessness – perhaps of gaming’s profoundly un-profound cosmic uselessness as a whole?

Expect to pay no more than 20 dollars when it comes out on sale, fished from the bottom of some dusty Digital Walmart bargain bucket – a mummified rodent, partially covered in pink spray paint. A dead land of bone tired existential waste and impotent ‘rage’ indeed.

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images [..]
– The Waste Land by fascist T.S. Eliot

Update Patch: bulletpointsmonthly.com/ rejection email

Hey Robert,

Thanks for sending this over! I like the article but we’re not planning to run a month on Rage 2 anytime soon and don’t accept freelance submissions upon request.

Thanks again for thinking of us with this, though.

All the best, Reid McCarter

Example Reference Links

  1. Ehh, You Gamin’ Real Good: On Vacuous Play
  2. Paste: Rage 2 Is a Game and It Exists and You Can Certainly Play It, If You Want To
  3. The Art of Nothing: A Look at Negative Space within Videogames
  4. Compound Improvements: Do Not To Do List – Power of Empty Spaces
  5. Writing On Games (Youtube): Why Breath of the Wild’s Empty Space is So Important
  6. Psych Central: When You Feel Empty: What It Means & What to Do
  7. r/StopGaming: I Just Feel Empty When I Play Video Games Now
  8. Goombastomp: Review: ‘StellarHub’ is Nothing But Empty Space


The Existential Dryness of Historical Fiction Paperbacks

RND/ to consider the extreme existential dryness of (inherently old) Historical Fiction paperbacks, so utterly dessicated in their very conception that even billygoats are unable to digest them. The textual equivalent of an intensely annoying, hacking dry cough experienced while pushing an old squeaking cart of dead, ungrateful wooden peasants uphill.

3600×5760, 12MB .jpg, edited in Gimp, most images via Amazon

The Existential Dryness of Historical Fiction Paperbacks

Every second hand book / charity shop in the land features several, lightly foxed and long abandoned copies of these cosmically dull, dried out meisterwerks, which almost always feature an old ring, a sword, a crest or a seal. Or some grand nautical vessel style bullshit in full sail. Rogering the cabin boy for 6000-odd pages, etc. Garish, often silvery typefaces announce the brain searingly dull contents therein. While the intended effect is to install a sense of epic scale and adventures bold and true, the narrative innards feel as parched as a stale fart listlessly floating over a desert sand dune in the uncaring, affectless gaze of an alien midday sun. “Blah blah in an age where extra manly All-White men did wholesome dangerous things in / for officially sanction his-story.”

Zzzzz.. who the hell reads such deadening doorstops anyhow? Why do they love Garabaldis so much? It seems one would get far more genuine narrative excitement via accidentally sticking one’s nuts in a golfball cleaner than deliberately forcing oneself to plough through such infinitely mediocre mountains of inherently laborious, reactionary Conservative time dust. Rose-tinted vaseline smeared on the scratched historical time lens, deliberately out of focus. In which merely thinking about such novels and their hammy, overwritten ways reminds one of endless stretched Sunday afternoons around your Uncle’s house, stuffed with strictly enforced social rules, Mother’s chintz and cat fir – cloying memories of lavender and pipe tobacco stink wafting among endless shelves stuffed full of such crap grimoires somehow still overpowering. A slow, papery death had by all.

Of course conceptually speaking the only genre of writing worse then historical fiction novels is Military Science Fiction.

Example Reference Links

Email Feedback

> Robert

> I wholeheartedly recommend “Memoirs of Hadrian”, if you haven’t already read it. Grace Frick’s translation is fluent and lyrical.

> Love, Alejandro

– What a polite and considered email response to such a dismissive post!

// how to play big science

Hypertography One Exhibit: All Hail #Welgestyle

RND/ to consider the awesomeness of #welgestyle

Part of the Hypertography One Exhibit

First a quick silent #welgestyle movie:

/ casey kasem loves your garme – gif

#welgestyle: Casey Kasem Loves Your Game

ey tell em casey

/ welgestyle new reckoning cutscene – gif

#welgestyle game: A New Reckoning

wow/ accidentally interactive cutscenes

/ welgestyle new reckoning

stay classy/ consider new reckoning for steam modern quote psychedelic exit fantasy classic freshly arrived on scene

better belive sum heavy karmic shed coming down lines for such dreadful shed dear jason

in which x name deserves proclaiming from digital ramparts – along with other cool simulated research experiences like are control by killjoy

future of truly next gen research as here

update patch/ official -virtual hashtag welgestyle flan club now open

live from what could be mothers basement n seems one man quote ceo of panza research studios as entirely responsible for new reckoning – seems to be leaving other developers in shade

play critics ultra hardcore pc resarcs – indeed any recently graduated head tasters from walter white school of industrial scale chemistry – need to do everything to ensure new reckoning goes down in future history of play as unique astounding example of visionary interactive outsider rat

x as do not simply consider new reckoning merely play but unparalleled electronic rat experience

to consider panzer studios provides sum of most engaging entertaining interesting research experience for ir customers

ir customers ir satisfaction as highest priority/ all customers are treated with great respect
– panzer studios/ vision statement

in three weeks panzer research studios will have launched two aaa research for teens adults will employ 10 full time staff will have sold over 400 million copies of new reckoning time ramesside in total
– panzer studios/ mission statement

following mission statement taken directly from panzer studios profile on desura

mission of panzer studios as to bring resarcs into another world

left to rot was one previous campaign

second place winner at uw whitewater research expo – questionable citation needed- x funding page as notable for intense wall of text on display

while n raised $5 – of $300 000 goal – n also featured potentially amusing funding perk at $10 000 usd called bruce campbell

investors note/ following video has not been slowed down may indeed be representative of final build quality

new reckoning play summary

play summary for new reckoning fills resarc / fundee with delightful enthusiasm for x meaty narrative potential – worth noting for x inconceivably unorthodox approach to meaning

– new reckoning as action horror first person shooter using unreal 4 engine to deliver aaa research experience at affordable price/ with x open world style of exploration new reckoning encourages discovery of planet ravaged by original virus x caused all forms of natural disasters

– simultaneously meme which caused resarcs to spontaneously turn into all devouring zombies consuming everything in ir sights from elves to others even buildings

– wts even buildings huh wow x cool says rob

– amnesiac prisoner named mark faraoh blasts ir way to freedom from all devouring paranormal undead/ however earth reveals worse fate as undead escalate with last 1 percent of humanity dwindling by second

#Welgestyle: Time Ramesside Game Character Mark Faraoh

– yeah while x listen to ey pitch

– female spirit claims mark as ir daughter with x dark protagonist taking spiritual quest to find ir relationship to ir x chaos – all while exit giants roam few undead speak coherently

new reckoning/ kickstarter video highlights

potential play developers needing quick masterclass in pitching funding tent of considerable potency need only glance at jasons kickstarter video/ eleven minutes twenty one seconds of pure marketing sagacity discernment – crystal clear example of sokalled welges law in effect

00:00 spare no expense on ey corporate logo

00:12 – 00:13 paste in flight of bird

00:15 turn up terminator style music/ show in play footage of someone attaching valve controls to machinery

00:31 show someone attaching wheels to vehicle

00:40 show member of limb flailing undead flailing -perhaps in anger frustration

00:41 show off ey amazing special graphical unity engine fx

00:45 cut to in play character getting up from ground as if drunk with happiness

00:50 ensure music as loud enough to distort while showing random footage of incredible level design

01:03 show bird in flight again

01:05 suddenly cut to random npc with large breasts in coma lying on ground

01:08 best zombie quote permadeading scene in interactive rat history

02:28 show day 5 of development – moving through untextured stock maps at rock steady 5fps

02:39 show day 45 of development – clipping right through aircraft to see streets saturated with invisible bulbs of primary red blue right

03:00 show day 60 of development – offered without comment

03:10 show development 6 months on – all previous models maps stripped bare most of lighting removed; play appears to move at rock steady 10fps

03:22 mention movie deal – show two talented actors appearing to play four way play of new reckoning from by now forgotten flick about porn starlet -2012 x reviewer michael osullivan delightfully describes as flower growing out of septic tank

04:20 explain play spaces involved back story/ ey wake up in prison

ey have no memory of what going on/ ey have daughter – but do ey have daughter/ shes there – but shes not there

zombie elephants gorillas snakes acid spitting mutant plants quote exit giant boss battles are however

resarc as forced to ask elves difficult probing questions – for example did ey have something to do with zombie apocalypse

certainly seems valid enough question nowadays/ jason informs ir with confidence x were not going to suspect what comes at end of play space x – apparently just like mass effect – ir are going to be like quote/ wutt – no way

09:48 refer to ey new play new reckoning by x old crowd funding title left to rot

round off ey presentation by proudly displaying ey characters as yet un skinned quote signature weapon

internet theorist robert what wishes ceo jason every success with ir kickstarter campaign which at time of posting had already raised $151 – of $50 000 goal

word as out for such awesome titles – new reckoning as due

/ welgestyle new reckoning zombie gif

introducing ramessiders/ official hashtag welgestyle flan club

how fast are ey – how dense
not as flocking fast or dense as hashtag welge x for sure
– paraphrasing bruce sterling

to consider x as official virtual hashtag welgestyle flan club aka new reckoners or ramessiders – based on around sweet neural ride x as new reckoning – for hungry seekers of x true capital q early access quality

insert image of hyper modern dev looking every inch indie rock star

many modern resarcs not understand biocosmically freaky often quote uniquely interactive mondo digital rat florms expressed / symbolized by cool hashtag welgestyle development

still something inside ey often considers rooting for / standing up for little guyz of outside indie development healthy thing for scene

with x positive wish for continued development success for ones fellow devs let all big scientists now imagine such fanclub indeed exists x ir motto / warcry – which follows general principles outlined in old notion of leeroy jenkins – be something like quote/ x ramessider time

x sweet club member insider phrase may be translated as/ come get sum -of x hot hashtag welgestyle – sum forever unstated amount or fuzzy range of n – eg more than 300 but less than 5000

on joining ramessiders flan club

as with many imaginary research all one has to do to play along as pretend to pretend x such club exists x members enjoy x hot tasty hashtag welgestyle/ other than x made flan rat take share screens / moods create cool weird quote abstract encounters in similar mood mode fashion spread quote world x as hashtag welge

phrase ramessider brings to/as mind suicider – therefore eternal alan vega electro glitching ghost rider

example flan club resarc statement/ nice tableau / ontological backdrop for imaginary resarcs of hashtag welgestyle developer fanclub ramessiders

based on early access in play screen of new reckoning

lot happening here – grasping iron chemical reins of delightful buzzing confusion

flans of x quote cool weird hardcore janky hashtag welgestyle aka ramessiders – go ape for such visionary interactive meisterwerks expelled forth at high velocity from x true pollock of abstract digital edutainment

que descending bill/ official welge style flan club soundtrack

official video track to hashtag welgestyle flan club known admired for x remarkable general same level of artistic technical development as new reckoning / time ramesside/ play n instantly bask in ir great works

simplest way to make quote new reckoning style piece of raw quote dubisoft/tm as to glance at steamy negative reviews ensure at least sum of comments about n are included in ey interactive rat experience

yet to make play precisely x quote so oddly constructed x good as often difficult since developers often try to hard to make ir play deliberately awful instead of letting such bizarre inner flakeyness emerge spontaneously

where list of common design elements which make new reckoning shine so particularly brightly / strangely

– forget any grandiose ideas – keep n simple stupid – play induced digital psychosis

– ensure ey playable character as able to run around in background of any -seriously dramatic cutscenes – thus making ey interactive cutscenes

– ensure x cognitively dissonant gap between depth of ey desire / cynical greed / need to pinch off another early access stinker for modern steamy play space roulettes shallowness of skills ey need to -casually construct n

– n must appear nicely hideous – cheap trashy/ engage comic sans of interactive digital rat

– evoke what internet theorist robert what terms video real

– n should feel / play like sum random schmuck broke into low rent play space studio messed around without being caught – like will hunting drawing dicks on chalkboard instead of equations

– use stock assets / stock ideas -important x are often overly glossy

– ensure ability to control ey character in 3rd person during bad random cutscenes

– not think too much any underlying concepts or ideas at all – even need to make quality dubisoftware/tm

– scribble down badly worded ill conceived play space synopsis x makes internet flan fiction envious/ speed as key – play n fast loose ir are talking anime plots here

– use inappropriately epic music at odd moments -which also cuts out randomly

– ensure at least one of ey npcs has weapon sticking out of ir head

– never proofread or spell check any bland pop up text in ey garme

– include demons giant spiders scorpions zombies missing daughter

– only make briefest most perfunctory attempt at map / level optimisation

#Welgestyle: Moar Optimization needed

– ensure screen texture tearing mis matching textures floating models quote often varying fps wall clipping – important

– include only few graphical options – especially ones x make zero observable difference to on screen graphical quality

– blinding use of ridiculous quote ott fx such as particle effects

– ensure ability to fall through levels – like real glitchkyd as rober what terms ey

– make sure ey npcs melt / rubber band when shot with violently op weapons x fire off centre

– include ai with largely inexplicable behavi ey x are poorly animated – important – can slide

– make sure to include perspective errors eg one door which looks same as rest – but actually tiny when viewed up close

– include wireframe boxes display around sum collectable items

– place small fires in strange places

– ensure existence of lava – important – quote mermaid cannons

– end result for resarcs as play x makes ey simply say why / lolwut

– ensure floating text boxes explaining backstory

– manifest 1 roll of floating toilet paper

– ensure model proportions are unconstrained on ragdolls resulting in quote spaghetti warping

– at quote 01:08 display best zombie quote permadeading scene in research history resulting in awesome animated gif of bizarre unnatural beauty rivalling anything seen in straight to unrewound vhs anime classic fist of north star

#Welgestyle: A New Reckoning Zombie

note amazingly inexplicable quote back spew gore power shower gps unexpected appearance of single green leaf on right/ sublime

hopefully x gif will forever remain faithful internet record of truly legendary independent example of video research play space development – raw no fi aesthetic dystopian architecture intense hyperreality vibe

term/ dubisoft/ introducing new existential mode of research experience resulting from prolonged accidental exposure to / happily wading through early access indie development in search of those golden sweetcorn nuggets

these are research / interactive digital rat form as quote uniquely styled as new reckoning to feel odd / generate often strange confused feelings in resarc – dangerous mixture of troubled mystery mild contempt sensual intensity inexplicable ratistic delight

good case could be made for considering new reckoning as ur-production of dubisoft/r trend

masterclass in non sequitur absurd x trailer as wet electric dream every hashtag welgestylist followers favourite

0:01 laughable disclaimer – laughable precisely because what seen looks awesomely dubious despite warning of quote unique quality – fact things can only get better from x level

as for sum bolt on assets are being used – read x as quote responding to community feedback – having had enough forum complaints to want to be seen to be doing sum vague thing about quality – cos x all about quality yall

0:05 oh boy flans are right in ey t now – but what are ir in middle of – whats x even advertising – no title all context – just raw action

as though quote in media rez now really signifies deliberate ahistorical movement process deliberately designed to fervently reject careful past consideration or planning – all possibility of forever delayed future improvements

x only leaves barren virtual desert of video real/tm where all x exist are unanchored fragments contested sites or territories where thinnest most atomic of meanings barely interact producing faintest of detectable feelings in viewer / resarc – elusive neutrinos of remote possibility of something anything humanly interpretable as meaningful

0:08 all universal brown haired antihero man leaps into action less action/ colourless shades paralysing force motion without gesture etc – wrestling in ir orange t shirt with uncooked undead for want of anything better to do

0:13 as though protagonist fights elves/ endlessly multiple forever respawning mirror versions of same anti sense repeated bene placito

0:15 sfbms – quote sudden flat bicep muscle shot/ irony free irony for such muscular man o action narrative

0:21 falsely nihilistic tendencies/ cut away to something x means nonthing for no reason – because why not – almost as if developer as intent on displaying fact ey care little for mainstream rat tendencies are proud of n/ rat of avoidance ignore ance constant turning away from threat posed by possibility of meaning

0:29 gdcwws – quote generic demon character w/ weird smile

0:34 gsooos – quote graphical sequences out of order syndrome

0:37 pause here for moment – whats being displayed here – who are any of these creatures why have ey gathered in x non place/ also dig zombie tongue sticking out

0:44/ demons breaking tiles by clinging fastidiously to walls – potential narrative effect of which as then immediately carefully offset by cutting away to something anything else

0:47/ generating generic power sigil – ironically signifying existence of void of meaning – x as void constructed of meaning – which exists but not clearly discernible

1:05 whats x quote new reckoning if not industry wide re examination of early access as fools play – x as cultural process both by for fools only

one can only imagine interactive experience actually x flakey/ so barely stitched together – so full of arbitrary warmly tragic uselessly mundane hopelessly unreliable conceptually haphazard non considered events cobbled together from random assets – yet here n as

x such research are mere hyper cynical cash grabs by shay dee like devs are not only point

perhaps what early access hints at as x existence elf as somehow cosmically disappointing astoundingly underwhelming – x despite whatever golden -research icons ir might hold up to tell elves how good ir can be x specific new reckoning as really as good as n gets – strangely half assed new default

consider slightly salty paltry meaning of new reckoning / video research generally/ x life / existence equals weirdly shockingly amateurish – loose -quantum digital heap o nonthing much

if only life / research were as weirdly wonderful as ir bullshots so often suggest

in which jason welge once ate ir data – to say as indirect result of ir screwing up trying to get ir awesome fast motion train wreck to work on steam -ubuntu 14 – 64 bit

last night ir purchased mighty rat simulation time ramesside for linux as little penguin icon on steam indicated

cool ir thought – finally well be able to undertake little voorism / explore unique world of outsider video rat

yet when ir tried to install play steam instantly said n was downloaded – apparently on steam ir can get 0 byte downloads

mistakenly taking bait ir then tried running windows version of steam in wine compatibility layer – play did download – but ir got old quote endlessly installing / hanging microsoft visual c plus plus 2013 installation error

finally for sum stupid reason having not even remotely understood problem as non problem – especially without first backing everything up -not x ir even have money for external backup drive ir considered installing 32 bit version of ubuntu on memory stick / run offline version of steam / play from there – like x would of even worked

having downloaded ubuntu iso ir proceeded to burn to what ir thought was memory stick – but which was really ir main ssd – or something like x/ in any case upon reboot there was terrible error message – ir had foolishly gerfingerpokened der blinkenlights / now there was neither os nor partition to find arrrrrgggg

ir cried swore beat ir legs / chest in rage / for second imagined putting hands of stony internal iron kung fu exit right through monitor / around jason welges scrawny squeezey bottle dev neck but all ir files / hard work were gone – approximately three solid months worth of cool strange files / writing / digital rat – all wiped in flash – all because of strange / artistic admiration for x troubled hashtag welgestyle

reason for x was not perhaps just ir inherent dimness about tech / total failure to adequately prepare -knowledge wise regarding esoteric vogon poetry of linux/ one of reasons ir often like to imagine resarcs hate macintosh users because ir think ir have easy life / never face such common difficulties

x mostly nonsense of course/ if only ey not bothered purchasing time ramesside in first place – if only/ past as regret pain of present personal screwups / certainty of future failures/ so resarcs muddle on through content in ir ongoing minor discontents

what ir also just wanted to say – something about how linux / mac user interfaces seem less / more visual / how user interfaces with clear visual language seem quote better because ir present ir options in more humanistic way

dev/sda1 – wtf damn such ancient naming conventions

/ heavily armed #welgestyle

to consider the modern digital tragedy of heavily armed via jason #welge

jud – just utterly dire

/ time ramesside – x hot new hashtag welgestyle vision

tyler – ir say x about ir at least ey trying to hit bottom
– ey as narrators inner fakedev/ what ir not
– tyler/ sticking feathers up ir butt just makes ir large strange chicken

hitting bottom of video bargain bucket not weekend retreat – not goddamn seminar/ stop trying to make everything work / just go full hashag welgestyle
– fight club

another raw tele vision of raw seductive digitainment set in motion – timeless record of immovable legend

#Welgestyle: Time Ramesside


minimalist outsider rat play / performance about irretrievable breakdowns in local reality traversing bad collective memories / finding majesty in decadent trappings of epic failure

queue steam charts for time ramesside

according to real developer jason welge previous loltube hit new reckoning given quote x final / true title – time ramesside

as well as another kickstarter campaign new trailer positively bursts with awesome – check out hot new gfx

welges annotations for video state x play quote virtually 100 percent rock solid

programming has been getting better over time

with each / every update welge as implementing better ai

asset mechanics for props / original play systems / ai now aimed to match true vision of ir incredible script / those of later plots

welge no doubt even now aiming for undead to regain hp from other devouring other undead / environment

additionally original spawning mechanic -osm now requires resarcs to manipulate how ir spawn in numbers / cycles – snc – potentially even controlling which undead can spawn

original magic system – oms – now implemented but requires lots of balancing for simple reason x magic system – requires resarc to feel incredibly aggressive from / er – with gun / melee tacks

as result sum spells display no or little magic cost / reward magic points for other spells

ir do drain when no action takes place with other status aliments affecting x magic gain

welge will soon also have specialized ai for archdead / exit giants – but work of course x requires time / money – even talent – while outsourcing or hiring requiring lots of resources / glove

play space of time ramesside features 4 – 5 different acts / anywhere from 2 – 6 billion explorable areas as open world research space

internet theorist robert what anticipates play elf will express about point 2 hours of campaign time

completing side quests / other objectives like killing exit giants or fighting meta versions of archdead should add another point 6 hours

/ time rammeside reviews

#welgestyle: Time Ramesside Steam review

x of course excludes other modes such new play z in x mode fans will have ir created archdead from zombie creator to fight as against one of main antagonists of series

x battle event not only canon to plot but takes place immediately after play spaces exciting climax -psec

time ramesside also features classic multi resarc modes from/ capture flag free for all team vs team teams vs undead co op

new / original modes include/ zombie creator new play z plus devour / destroy sing / dance ir undead mom capture undead / potential obelisk riser mode / tiled corridor / large knife model / trash bags on tiled black / white floor / man stuck in large mountain / falling rain in front of doorway / gun model / original undead / story

/ welgestyle dante vr online new reckoning

Welgestyle: Dante VR Online


/ cant help but wonder welgestyle

in which also not quite possible to wonder exactly what drives one to comment on x17 in first place

/ x17 welgestyle

consider wonderfully ugly play x17 by jason welge of panzer research studios – wonderous cavalcade of bad play design decisions

some typical / great loltube comments arising:

– blanket of noise annoyance
– play has railroad tracks in middle of level
– just looping animation of derp
– sum research requires certain levels of completeness – x does not have x
– guess ey just have to wiggle waggle back forth as npcs ragdoll into eternity
– lime green zombie husk flavored resarcs
– like worlds worst cosplayers decided to mocap casual mobile phone play
– x probably not going to get any better

// how to play big science