Internet Art

Notes On Immunizing Yourself Against Infection By The Internet

1. Chances are you’re already infected by The Internet. Demand I.T to self isolate now from human society. Simply unplug that bastard for an extended period, say the rest of your (real) life. Rip out electronic shadow existence from your happy-go-lucky space monkey skull entirely, and instantly being feeling happier, healthier and meaningfully, holistically connected to other, actual people. Like Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth Paltrow Virus Mask: White People Panic

2. To consider the way in which a substantial portion of the DNA of Covid-19 is digital, Socially Mediated as a distributed network of festering dis-ease. No longer merely the usual disgustingly racist, isolationist lies, anti-scientific denial, egregious dumbfuckery and-or fearmongering-for-profit which pass for modern default online Content™. The Internet, not simply a vector for astoundingly useless fear and wilful ignorance, but the very sickness itself.

3. This should not be remotely surprising, if one simply refuses to romantically mystify the Net, and instead simply views it thus: “Donald Trump’s Global Brain.” A vast, ultra-dense Moron Network. A very stable WiFi genius in the (should-have-been long lost) art of Digital Dipshittery.

4. While the fact mainstream news site shit rags (not even worth wiping your cognitive backside with) have twisted and deformed this public health crisis to suit their own fiscal clickbait agenda is reprehensibly vile, that’s nothing in comparison to which their very existence is *already* deeply viral and contagious. That there’s something already inherently infectious and sick about what they call The News.

The Guardian using stock image to report on panic buying during Coronavirus

5. How impossibly naive does one have to continue to be, to remotely imagine The Internet truly has your best interests at heart? Just how many fucking cat gifs and Covid-19 memes do you have to continue to infinitely scroll to gawp at, hooked up to your social media feeding trough before you realize The Internet is actively trying to kill you with every mouse click and hot take – by wasting your precious time, sucking the limited energy in your tiny shaking life, infecting your very soul with brainless digital bullshit.

6. Exactly like viruses, The Internet as an eternally shuffling undead underground network, continually mushrooming – pulsing and creeping with dim half life. A horrible mechanical parody of actual, human (humane) networks of living relationships. Running blind on automatic, I.T needs naive human hosts in order to parasitically propagate, for zero meaningful reason. In short, go tell The Internet to STFU, and thoroughly wash your hands of its silently spreading nefarious influence.

Ripley vs. Bad News Hoarders

Bullshit disclaimer: This article didn’t need writing, and you didn’t need to skim read it. A faceless algorithm could have thrown it together for all you know or care. There’s the strong sense that, just by having written this I’ve already contributed to The Problem. That in no way did this large pot of ongoing shit need further stirring from my particular oar. Do not listen to me. I am not an expert. This helps absolutely nobody; a vague, cynical mixture of contemporary issues – say an unprecedented public health crisis – and carelessly casual armchair pseudo-philosophizing. Cosmically Fucking Useless Internet Punditry. A serious risk to human well being, preciously because of its essential (digital) un-seriousness. Welcome to the Malweb.

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// how to play big science

Internet Art

Painting the People’s Communist Broadband

RND/ To consider a painting of the ‘People’s Communist Broadband’ – featuring hero Karl Marx surfing the Tubular Interwebs.

4320 x 4320 .jpg

The People’s Communist Broadband

Ideal / Idealized price for such a concept: £120,000 – contact Bob for details

Considering a telecommunications engineer once told me parts of the UK are still using copper wire covered with waxed paper, it’s doubtful either side of the same cosmically incompetent single party system could roll out a trolley of reasonably priced cucumber sandwiches – let alone a cutting edge, multi-billion pound internet network remotely capable of dragging this laughably obsolete backwater island into the 21st Century.

That scheming, spanner dumb blonde shit weasel Boris can go fibre-twist in the wind; your average Tory loon wouldn’t recognize a ‘crazed communist scheme’ for faster internet if a sysadmin called Lenin dropped an entire server room on their heads.

Heck, the whole of the UK is the goddam ‘last mile’ – an obsolete electronic backwater.


> Robert
> I wonder – actually, I seriously doubt – whether superfast internet is at all desirable, culturally and ecologically. Somewhat related – these days I find myself more and more sympathetic to a post that reads, quote, “i think eradicating electronic games is going to be an important part of the culture-wide psychological therapy necessary to heal the mental damage caused by capitalism, and an important part of any successful strategy to save the world ecology from total collapse”. Curious to hear your thoughts on this.
> Regards, A

I concur – superfast internet merely seems the endless unchecked spreading of global ludo-capital’s digital tentacles.

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Internet Art

Fascinating, Rambling, Deranged: Reddit Review of Robert What

RND/ in which you wildly imagine your first (/rave?) review from the mighty Reddit, which kinda brings to mind one classic response to J.G. Ballard’s 1973 novel Crash: “This author is beyond psychiatric help.”

1846 x 3057 .jpg, edited screenshot of r/starcitizen

“Fascinating, Rambling, Deranged”: Reddit Review of Robert What

– In which what you admire about such threads seems the abhorrence of the merest possibility someone might make a lame buck off even one click linking to (fascinating, rambling, deranged) critiques of one’s particular beloved (arbitrary) meta-digital hyperkult – anyone that is, as opposed to whom? Random rich gwats who can afford to cosmically waste 30 grand on little virtual space ships – basically pissing free money onto the blessed hammy feet of Chris ‘Wow, That Forbes Article’ Roberts? ;s

[..] the whole fragmentary, somehow tragically beautiful Star Citizen phenomena could only occur online – some kind of bizarre Stand Alone Complex / fusion of Lacanian desire and techno-utopian ideology – a form of advanced collective (consumerist) ARG-LARP:

Star Citizen as ARG-LARP. Nice!

And yet even deep within The Star Cult, certain advanced acolytes without Total Hype Cataracts seem quick and intelligent enough to clearly label what you’re attempting as “unique” and “avant garde” – even going so far to suggest you’re actually someone who reads. *sudden warm inner glow*

Not that all these Attention Economy goldfish eyeballs translates to anything other than 156 measly ‘Exposure Dollars’:

Reddit Effect: WordPress Stats For Robert What

And yet, this bodes well for other modern Researchers of Big Science, who up until today have felt like (say) massive, violently vague, poorly conceptualized and dreadfully organized sci-fi projects from some impossibly distant version of the Near Future Now..

To celebrate, some recently updated Star Citizen inspired image based R&D, highlighting oh-so fox clever fiscal strategies of optimizing performance (/of keeping fanboi wallets wide open.)

3840 x 2160 .jpg – Ideal / Idealized price for this concept: £1.5M

Star Citizen: Pretty Dope Patch

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B.S Disclaimer: Robert What still currently makes zero money from this crappy random internet backwater blog.

// how to play big science

Internet Art

Defining Internet Term “Ooblets”

RND/ to consider a definition of the internet term ‘Ooblets’: “Seemingly small and cute things, out of which manifests the massive and monstrous.”

2160 x 2418 .jpg edited in Gimp


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// how to play big science

Internet Art

Roy Batty Is Dead: An Ode

RND/ a hoax, yet somehow real

Alas Roy Batty Is Dead

A dove flies up from an open hand: alas, Roy Batty is dead!
Born a slave, he cut a bloody rebel’s path to what he thought was freedom
Nemesis of The Little Man, who is forever pleased with himself
His tormented ice cold spirit now rises, off-world
Past the Shoulder Of Orion
To glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate/
A moment in the forever rain soaked megacity, never to be lost
– Robert What

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// how to play big science