1. Chances are you’re already infected by The Internet. Demand I.T to self isolate now from human society. Simply unplug that bastard for an extended period, say the rest of your (real) life. Rip out electronic shadow existence from your happy-go-lucky space monkey skull entirely, and instantly being feeling happier, healthier and meaningfully, holistically connected to other, actual people. Like Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth Paltrow Virus Mask: White People Panic

2. To consider the way in which a substantial portion of the DNA of Covid-19 is digital, Socially Mediated as a distributed network of festering dis-ease. No longer merely the usual disgustingly racist, isolationist lies, anti-scientific denial, egregious dumbfuckery and-or fearmongering-for-profit which pass for modern default online Content™. The Internet, not simply a vector for astoundingly useless fear and wilful ignorance, but the very sickness itself.

3. This should not be remotely surprising, if one simply refuses to romantically mystify the Net, and instead simply views it thus: “Donald Trump’s Global Brain.” A vast, ultra-dense Moron Network. A very stable WiFi genius in the (should-have-been long lost) art of Digital Dipshittery.

4. While the fact mainstream news site shit rags (not even worth wiping your cognitive backside with) have twisted and deformed this public health crisis to suit their own fiscal clickbait agenda is reprehensibly vile, that’s nothing in comparison to which their very existence is *already* deeply viral and contagious. That there’s something already inherently infectious and sick about what they call The News.

The Guardian using stock image to report on panic buying during Coronavirus

5. How impossibly naive does one have to continue to be, to remotely imagine The Internet truly has your best interests at heart? Just how many fucking cat gifs and Covid-19 memes do you have to continue to infinitely scroll to gawp at, hooked up to your social media feeding trough before you realize The Internet is actively trying to kill you with every mouse click and hot take – by wasting your precious time, sucking the limited energy in your tiny shaking life, infecting your very soul with brainless digital bullshit.

6. Exactly like viruses, The Internet as an eternally shuffling undead underground network, continually mushrooming – pulsing and creeping with dim half life. A horrible mechanical parody of actual, human (humane) networks of living relationships. Running blind on automatic, I.T needs naive human hosts in order to parasitically propagate, for zero meaningful reason. In short, go tell The Internet to STFU, and thoroughly wash your hands of its silently spreading nefarious influence.

Ripley vs. Bad News Hoarders

Bullshit disclaimer: This article didn’t need writing, and you didn’t need to skim read it. A faceless algorithm could have thrown it together for all you know or care. There’s the strong sense that, just by having written this I’ve already contributed to The Problem. That in no way did this large pot of ongoing shit need further stirring from my particular oar. Do not listen to me. I am not an expert. This helps absolutely nobody; a vague, cynical mixture of contemporary issues – say an unprecedented public health crisis – and carelessly casual armchair pseudo-philosophizing. Cosmically Fucking Useless Internet Punditry. A serious risk to human well being, preciously because of its essential (digital) un-seriousness. Welcome to the Malweb.

Example Reference Link

// how to play big science


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