Modern Big Science ‘Researcher’ Gallery

RND/ To imagine conceptual digital art, regarding contemporary fellow Researchers of ‘strange imaginary game’ Big Science:

Possible research modes discovered during course of daily lab work by / via Robert What – Freelance Postmodern Internet Theorist:

Akihiko Taniguchi Online

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Akihiko Taniguchi Online

Oh, to exist as a cool New Media Artist – ‘free’ to endlessly tinker with useless technology in name of something as deliberately vague as Art. To have one’s own virtual studio, make locally manifest one’s little digital online experiments, direct from a conceptual void of technological phantasy – with mildly squashy pears.

Fluxus Train

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Fluxus Train

Ding ding! All aboard the driverless Fluxus train to meta-critical New Media heaven – even though one has no idea / little but ideas concerning Fluxus.

Ideal / Idealized Cost for such Conceptual Work: £1M – contact Robert What today for details.

Franco: Bad Conceptual Art

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Franco: Bad Conceptual Art

An ode to insufferable walking vanity art projects

Henry & Lydia In The Memory Garden

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Henry & Lydia in the Media Garden

To imagine a scene from some faded forgotten VHS art movie in which a couple, amazingly alive in their young naive existence stare out into unforgiving universe of endless overgrown back gardens and forlorn emotional rubble. An associated book of iron philosophy coming soon [1]

Hopper’s Long Leg

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Hopper’s Long Leg

In which the oblique, defamiliarized aesthetic dimensions of ambiguous interior fantasy, locally manifest on troubled morning seascapes of unstable postmodern verticality, or something.

Ideal / Idealized Cost for such Conceptual Work: £3M – contact Robert What today for details.

John Register: Curtain In The Wind (1983)

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John Register Curtain In The Wind (1983)

To consider urban midnight inversions of architectural mood buildings viewed as rapid passing carriages to a radical elsewhere.

The Knife Grinder (Kazimir Malevich)

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Knife Grinder, Kazimir Malevich

Remix of a classic – multiple overlaid forms of a complicated historical Soviet color dynamic.

Ideal / Idealized Cost for such Conceptual Work: £12.5M – contact Robert What today for details.

No Right Click: Save Saaatchi Art

A Digitally appropriated & re-tinted image of John McConnico DeYoung 11:38AM via Saaatchi Art: “Be Original”(tm):

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No Right Click: Save Saaatchi Art

Official example art statement via Researcher Robert What: Conceptualized after being unable to right click / save architectural image on Saatchi Art Online; in which something about it however still smells like some creepy digital vampire, thoroughly deserving of a thick artistic steak. Ironically, such an image seems like their Gothic castle.

Rich Artists: Never Too Late

To consider a remix of an artful post about Adrien Brody by editor Alexander Forbes; photographer by Sylvia Plachy

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Rich Artists Never Too Late

Example Art Statement via freelance amateur postmodern internet theorist Robert What: Yeah I too often wouldn’t mind roleplaying the part of a rich artist – if only I could afford it;

While Adrien Brody no doubt is very nice, with detectable acting talent, consider the following poem expressing a small critique of those who may simply pay their way into the Art World:

Try as they might
Such gracious noble lords
Who idly lift their brushes
Think they then write or draw
They cannot; for who can wield a pen
When they feel bored

Such minds of leisure only
Can only express the trite
Those pretty knights who
Feebly lift their swords
To make witless thrusts
Against their artistic doom
Foiled by what their noble birth affords
Art, Art more fucking Art displayed
In far too many white & empty rooms

So doth fortune smile on
Those who own much hype or land
Yet frowns at depthless trivia from
Such dabblers’ soft, pink hands

At this juncture I would like
To drop such privileged art
In the midst of filthiest manure
– paraphrased via Fellow researcher Heathcote Greene

Robert What: Net Art Award Failure

AKA on *not* winning the (shitty) Prix Net Art Award, 2015

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Robert What Net Art Award Failure

In which the merest mention of rat (sorry, Art) – along with “Culture” – now makes freelance postmodern internet theorist Robert What queasy.

After a recent relapse back into near total alienation from constantly dull and arbitrary “Art” – consider an (unsent) torrent based nomination to the shit Prix Net Art jury, followed by a remixed response to their announcement of the actual(R) winner.

Example Artist Statement via theorist Robert What:

Robert What: A self assembling conceptual torrent based performance combining high quality 4k screenshot of the international Prix Net Art award homepage, plus a quote by an American ethnobotanical psychonaut; any resulting feelings experienced by fellow ‘researchers’ having participated in such experiment by simply downloading it.

We are discovering there’s an artificial angel within the monkey
– Paraphrasing Terence McKenna

More research at

In November 2015, after extensive deliberation over nice wine delicious cheese niblets, the Prix Net Rat jury casually announced its second annual $10,000 Prix Net Rat would not be awarded to freelance amateur postmodern internet theorist Robert What.

Robert What’s ‘avant garage’ practice (allegedly originating in or near bike shed in an alternative 1979 Netherlands) in no way transcends traditional categorization using pseudo-diverse media in order to explore sociopolitical or technological themes, and only cynically reflects on broad cultural social effects of communication image processing technologies from performativity – if that’s even a word – distributing artificial social capital on social media to not completing staff banned Kickstarter campaign for hardware start up called Punch Out Kickstarter(TM).

His ‘work’ – whatever that seems – does not include slickly coded websites, trite performances, expensive routers, cool installations startups, armies of undead or manipulated found images frequently juxtaposing or consolidating quote technically dichotomized presentation realms.

Recent solo exhibitions include the CS:GO ‘noclip’ Hypertography exhibit [2]

What neither lives nor works in Berlin or Amsterdam – because he bloody well can’t afford it.

The Culturally sanctioned ‘official jury statement’ sounds like they should be wearing black gowns while passing windy judgement on what ‘Rat’ is this year.

The Jury looked at the specific role of Net Rat within some supposedly larger Rat context.

The main issue here – at least for them – was to emphasize the relevance of such a prize for works and practices made in the context of the Internets to highlight critical issues / developments in this much maligned field.

Net Rat has clearly not moved beyond the hip pink skinned media rat ghetto or Cultural colonialist vanguard of the global Capitalist matrix.

Ratists and Rat institutions of various disciplines and plumage are starting to explore fiscal possibilities of the Internets.

Importantly, The Jury feels Cultural development without the Internets is almost unthinkable at this point in time (they have obviously never heard of pulling plugs.)

The transformation of thee Rat field is often described in terms of post media or post digital / post Internet Cultural production – which seems complete balls of course.

While recognizing the value ($$) of these developments, The Jury thinks the Prix Net Rat should support Ratists who (somehow) critically engage with ‘core issues’ surrounding Rat / The Internets / with The Internets as ‘medium’ – which it isn’t – rather just another platform for endless self aggrandizement – a vacuous social network for likes / clickbait upvotes.

Special consideration goes to Ratists who use or quote reflect upon practices originating in the base culture of Internets; developers makers and hackers without whom ‘Internets Culture’ would not exist or without whom these cultures would be very bland *cough*.

The convenient fluidity of boundaries between research tech communities and questions of authorship / virtuosity and (urgh) ‘performativity’ of Rat in mediated environments are important aspect of the mediocre work of the winners of the 2015 Prix Net Rat award.

Robert What’s ‘work’ stays un-firmly yet non defiantly outside realms of contemporary Rat, but from a wobbly position profoundly misinformed by conditions of new media networks – technical as well as cultural social economical political networks.

What does not strive for ‘an honest respectful or un-embellished approach to materials conditions of the network’.

At the same time his work lacks humor, wit or critical commentary.

The scope of What’s work is unimpressive and reaches from informalistic yet sometimes bordering on interesting works, to extremely layered conceptual pieces suffering from mild Terminal Boredom.

From his early work in which he plays – idly – with elements of performance, to recent experimental RND projects in which he reveals fascination with anyone who (like himself) finds the history and economic context of contemporary researcher tools deathly dull.

The Network has not been What’s truer environment, meta-physically nor culturally.

What’s recently relaunched non-site at seems in an depth investigation of underlying processes of virtual mis-production, for he too created an imaginary startup company last night in bed which produces some crappy video gallery widget – a useful tool for pink skinned Ratists of allegedly challenging copyright barriers between commercial play / researchers / formats of ‘the video real’ – a cynical Trojan horse to get Ratists(TM) back to work; basically, some lousy hardware screensaver – into collections and museums run by mechanical fools.

“The Work” barely highlights dependence of present day cultural production on chain of workers and processes; it makes Cultural production even less liberating than even The Jury presenting it / themselves seem.

Arbitrary Rat Statement example by the true winner (quote): “Some kind of stuff.”

Oh yeah its obvious you’ve really thought that through – you hateful talentless munt  *cough* not feeling envious bitter hollow or anything honest [3]

Ideal / Idealized Price for such a Concept: £1

St Vincent 4AD

To consider a screenshot wallpaper of the 4AD session by St Vincent [4]

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St Vincent 4AD

Track list

– Chloe In The Afternoon
– Surgeon
– Strange Mercy
– Year Of The Tiger

What a roll, watching that hilarious keyboardist in the background video somehow just *knowing* he’s some slick shit.

Example Reference Links:

// how to play big science