Big Scientist RND Zaibatsu welcome pack (NSFW)

RND/ To consider an imaginary “BSZ Research and Development Shadow Hyper Corporation” welcome / starter pack for fellow ‘Big Scientists’:

Big Science As Deflated Balloon Dog

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Big Science As Deflated Balloon Dog

Given the arbitrary space of possibilities afforded by computation, is it not somewhat absurd to uncritically reproduce the conditions of physical objects rather than attempting to imagine new logics of thingness, ownership, exchange, etc. more faithful to the affordances of the medium? What does it mean to establish notions of provenance for objects that elude exclusive possession? Is this a contradiction, a natural progression, or a step along the way to unforeseen future states of affairs?
– Morgan Sutherland, Monegraph, Status Of The Art Object

Ideal / Idealized price for such a concept: £25K – contact Robert What for details

Big Science Header Logos

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Big Science Header Logos

Featuring a ‘pirate pineal alien on vegetable television’ with hashtag #htpbs (How To Play Big Science)

Black Phoenix project logos

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Black Phoenix Project Logos

Another local manifestation in BSZ RND project space of ultra elite ‘strange dark imaginary forces’.

Channel Zero: Test Card Z

Future memories of Channel Zero/ remix of TestCard F.

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Channel Zero: Test Card Z

Channel Z programs are about, andor feature many of stars and characters seen at Robert What’s research & development site.

Once sitting with my wonderful grandfather watching Channel Four Racing – the pleasant smell of his Brylcream and pipe smoke in the air.

When Test Card F used to appear I’d imagine I saw a green skull resting beneath the clown head – until one day I realized it was just its body (the clowns’, not grandfathers; he died of cancer.)

A proud, stocky man when young – once a sergeant training recruits for the Second War – cut down to skin and bones by age, the dis-ease of hard unceasing manual labor.

Time for telly with good ol’ grandad.

Of course by then it was all too late – the false skull remained a true skull which I now cannot un-see.

Dis-location Channel Zero; future memories of live disaster (/TV) zone.

Corporate Hex Cup Fun

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Corporate Hex Cup Fun

To consider the idea that hex shaped cups somehow remotely embody ‘fun’ or catalyse fun group based activities in Scene; now available down on Research & Development level D8.

Derrida In Mirrorshades

To consider the following image of Derrida part of a failed job application for full time writer at videogame journalism website Rock Paper Shotgun.

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Derrida In Mirrorshades

Aka don’t call us, we’ll call you (no really, don’t call us):

From: Robert What
To: jobs at
Date: 15 July 2014 17:25
Subject: Applying for a specific role you might not of previously considered.

Dear RPS

Hello; I’m roleplaying Robert What – UK based Freelance Amateur Postmodern Internet Philosopher.

It might seem somewhat presumptuous, but I’d like to apply for an opportunity to write occasional posts for your excellent site.

I’ve been lurking at RPS for a while and think it would be a good opportunity for both of us if you hired me as Theorist-In-Residence.

I’m applying for a particular role as my skill rests in constructing bespoke one off think pieces and left field thought experiments – rather than being just another junior reporter or churnalist churning out standard Content. Consider me a bit less Clark Kent and more Derrida In Mirrorshades playing Wipeout on a Ballardian Terminal Beach.

My imaginary Research and Development site may be found at and I may be reached Monday to Friday 9am – 8pm.

Here’s what I’ve accomplished so far:

  • Tweaked the script for Dear Esther.
  • I’ve helped ‘author’ Simon Sellars interview photographer Troy Paiva for Mr. Sellar’s site “Ballardian”.
  • Have interviewed cool indie developer / modder Long Nguyen regarding speeding up indie game development.
  • Am also busy making my own informal indie play systems development framework – “Abstract Encounters”: alternative indie research play space systems.

Update Patch: they haven’t called back just yet.

Introducing Geoff Wode

To consider open source fiction concept Geoff Wode:

I got no love no love you’d call real
Ain’t got nobody waitin’ at home
– Van Halen, Running With The Devil

Introducing Geoff Wode – open source fiction concept

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‘Resarc’ Geoff Wode

Consider Geoff Wode less a character and more a conceptual art idea space – mobile digital multimedia launch pad for exploring ideas of, eg. virtual hyper masculinity, the self image in a digital age.

Imaginary BSZ Researcher Profile

Name: Geoff ‘Danger’ Wode

Born: Southern California

Age: Eternally 33

Single words that describe Geoff: ‘tryhard’, ‘keenster’.

Physical dimensions: 6″ 5′, 245lb – huge thatched head, immensely strong, freakishly tough, extremely evenly tanned, hyper clean living.

Past: Alleged combined ex Olympic shot putter andor hitman – few seems to know and records fuzzy.

Awards: twice voted whitest man alive / most likely to die of Blandness.

Employment: runs successful Import-Export business near New Mombasa space elevator; might also currently work as head of internal security for Loftleader Industries (sworn enemies of Big Scientist RND Zaibatsu Shadow Hypercorporation.)

Intelligence: Not particularly bright, existentially speaking – but definitely cunning and tenacious; recently finished part time PHD by email in Experimental Meta Business.

Look: That of being continually bursting with joys of endless summer, effortlessly snappy ‘caz-u-el’ dresser.

Psychology: Geoff displays unpredictable borderline psychotic behaviour – punishingly high sincerity factor; is strongly anti ironic / anally retentive, a smoothly confident yet often instantly forgettable conversationalist well versed in latest cultural trends and trivia.

Sex: Despite being a chronic chicken choker, Geoff is generally deep into asexual self love.

Recent quote from latest girlfriend: “We’re off to get buuuuuuurgers / ribssssssss – righhhtt” – aka ‘I dont think I have a brain, uhhhhhhhhh but check out my fakies and hot everything else uhhhhhhhhhhh’.

Recreation: Geoff enjoys pharmaceutical grade street (dimensional gateway) drugs such as BSZ.

Personal aside: Owns mildly rabid half cyborg chihuahua named Junior Honeybee Peaches.

Geoff’s favourite author: Rudy Rucker.

His favourite walk-on-anywhere song: Up The Beach by Jane’s Addiction.

Known Associates: Andrei Ulmeyda.

Often described as: “A disturbingly upbeat and insufferable narcissist with hypnotic eyeballs.” / “Bit of tool who always looks like he’s continually just arrived from his handsome lessons.”

If fellow Researchers feel they’d like to develop this “Geoff Wode” concept in any capacity, feel free to contact Freelance Postmodern Internet Theorist Robert What today to discuss potential ideas.

Happy Micro S.T.A.R Network Industries Logos

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Happy Micro-S.T.A.R Network Industries Logos

To code some non-thing concerning how H.M.S.N is the Eldar equivalent of Megacorporate heavy industries approach of fabled Big Scientist RND Zaibatsu – combining a light, oblique, deft even sublime touch approach with techno mystical aspects – mythology with devastatingly cool postmodern font / corporate stationary usage.

Consider how H.M.S.N even features its own brand of corporate desk toys – impossibly intricate mechanisms allowing Resarcs to access hidden dimensional data arenas within their main R&D facility.

Harold Bugwriter

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Harold Bugwriter

So say hello to Harold; a form of ‘bugwriter’ popular with modern Researchers and Ddevelopers of “Big Science” – or ‘bug science’ as deadpan wits within the industry like to say among fellow polite company  / nice designer office furniture.

HTPBS / How To Play Big Science

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“How To Play Big Science”

Ah, the eternal surface question [1] – which in conceptual digital image form currently manifests locally, ie. in lab as abstract, near future retro album cover by (say) ambient doom jazz metal supergroup Cockney Voodoo Beaver – special edition, internet only release configuration bringing to mind a certain low orbiting 500TW virtual space love platform owned and run by [redacted].

Ode To Spengler

Ode to fellow scientific Researcher Egon Spengler.

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Ode To Fellow Resarch “Spengler”

RIP Harold Ramis – now forever dimensionally flowering in psychedelic polyverses at the speed of light; shoutout to Egon’s cool new local bio-quantum manifestation “McKinnon.”

Remember Billy Fanward

AKA the man who bites his tongue

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Remember Billy Fanward

Remember, he still needs medicine. Currently busy manifesting via the dimensional universe of Tony Takezaki / AD Police – word.

Resarc Virginia Pete: The Shadow Cast By Light

Consider Virginia Pete and the shadow cast by his light; an ongoing existential RND collaboration with the classic fellow resarc from Maximum Amerika into what freelance internet theorist Robert What terms ‘new media prophecy’

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Virginia Pete: The Shadow Cast By Light

Profits from such art to be split with ‘The Mathematician’:

Example Art Statement via freelance amateur postmodern internet theorist Robert What, who says: “Pete stares video out, not into the void but as its very expression.

The shadow cast by light – wherein muted emotional states contrast with cool savage neural intensity of highly angular, super calculated symbolic manifestation.

Crystals hang in an ancient chemical gallery – bleached obsidian bone flake shards of silent prophecy.

Life off the radar, under the wires and over artificial barricades now separating Mind / Death / Meat – Love and Fate, strange animal volition and heavily cyborgized intent.

Cry-calls out in mega urban wilderness of old Virginia – dirty blood fire on the run in disquietingly smart new media labyrinths.”

Research And Development

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Typical ‘In-Scene’ R&D

Labs down on D8; say hi to the sentient coffee auto dispensers for me – just don’t get into long winded discussions about the social nuances of office micro politics – and watch out for those giant super blue zombies wandering around.

Introducing Fellow ‘Resarc’ Robert What

To consider “Robert What” – terminally bored, UK based Freelance Amateur Postmodern Internet Theorist, performer and Alternative New Age Sci Fi Meta Lifestylist.

Fellow Resarc “Robert What”

Robert engages in intense theoretical experiments for Big Scientist RND Zaibatsu Shadow Hypercorporation.

  • Is currently skint but hopeful for change
  • Extensive biography forthcoming

Fellow Resarc Tarsis V0ng

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Researc “Tarsis V0ng”

Current Master Of Archives for BSZ Hypercorporation.

BSZ’s Ultraborg Division

To consider a remix of artist Vitaly Bulgarov’s “Ultraborg” division

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B.S.Z Ultraborg Division

Like a soul without a mind
In a body without a heart
I’m missing every part
– (From) Unfinished Sympathy by Massive Attack

Example Art Statement via Resarc Robert What: Based on a parodic narrative fork off 3D model work by Vitaly Bulgarov this false colour image shows an unnamed team member from a classified forward research crew within Black Phoenix Project in process of utilizing BVE.

During such unparalleled events skin seems to peel back to reveal ir naked hyper-metalloglass skull.

Such an extreme state could arguably be called contemplative.

Ultraborg Division; super elite equalization mirror polarity cyborg unit for hire, comprised of tier one freelance ‘freedom protection operatives’ who’ve successfully undergone / survived total Fanward-Bulgarov level cyborgization.

This comprehensive multi layered program enables specifically chosen members of each Forward Research Team access to play changing new defence tools; realtime supercomputer based simulation tactics direct from beyond bleeding-edge development labs of Happy S.T.A.R Network – “Rational practicality through responsible scientific authority.”®

A common mistake made by competitors in this field is to go for a ‘cool look’ for sake of the look itself, not hit objectives about primary functions of design – its authentic postmodern ontology.

Based on raw strength, proactive smartness and physical toughness alone the Ultraborg Division can effortlessly roll with, completely outshine and overrule the toughest cyborg enhanced disreputables in hot neon megacities of the Near Future Now – although BSZ hypercorporate security operative Billy Fanward would like to have word with you about that.

When placed under modern default extremes of engagement stress each Ultraborg can initiate unleash truly awe inspiring levels of ‘reconstructive deformation’ on nearby RND antagonists.

Utilizing custom Casmir Arc frame tech build into their very structural frame, Ultraborgs are able to instantly draw various levels of bioelectric void energy (B.V.E) from their immediate spacetime reality matrix.

Each field actor is then able to channel this directly through their main cough Defence Tool of choice, andor share this power with any other nearby team member.

Those violent, incautious individuals unwise enough to contend with an Ultraborg and meeting a focused megablast of Bioelectric Void Energy may be subject to a multitude of sublime kinds of immediate deformation and warping that local professional sworn public witnesses often describe as “Truly resplendent.”

Such sensually electrifying displays of psychedelic biomachine based matter reorganization (so called ‘Neuropink’ style [2]) result in near instantaneous discipline and permanent physical penalties for irrational transgressors of ir [whose? -Robert What] hallowed global philosophical totality.

Urban Midnight Data Ninja

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Urban Midnight Data Ninja

From Tron to Metal Gear’s Grey Fox to post cyberpunk ‘Neuropink’ space assassins of Warframe, consider the strange symbolic Near Future figure of the ‘heavily augmented vat grown hyper corporate cyborg’ – polydimensional xeno anthropologist / courier or “Urban Midnight Data Ninja” – ancient warrior born of near infinite infoformation vectormatic matrices and ‘darker moons rising’.

First is one and only Jesse Mach – Man equals Machine equals “Street Hawk.”

Now channelling polydimensional xeno anthropologist courier from curse space / visiting alien anthropologists / data ninja from Tron: Legacy.

Visiting The Professor

To consider Suzanne Vega based play.

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“Visiting The Professor”

To imagine Suzanne Nadine Vega and RND Play Spaces based on her book Passionate Eye: Collected Writings Of Suzanne Vega.

Cold city morning before work – ir enjoying a slow coffee and cigarette in some faded diner when ey notice a person adjusting ir stockings outside the window.

When ey look back a postcard has appeared on the table requesting ir help.

To now move silently with strong emotional intent through a lonely New England shoreline house of unperturbed beauty and whimsical mystery owned by professor and ir odd psychic grandchildren Gustaff and Petra.

These names sound familiar; ey say out loud “What’s that large metallic sphere on the postcard?”

Turns out The Professor has accidentally transmogrified into a massive electric silverback mountain gorilla Karl Herzog II who becomes dangerously annoyed whenever singer songwriter Suzanne Vega or similar ‘lite’ artists are mentioned or begin playing throughout the house.

Prof can be only be temporarily pacified by disabling the music andor throwing plastic bottles of banana milk at ir large, angry head.

Example play space twist: the dead, possibly conspiratorially murdered ex wife of professor is a restless spirit who inexplicably enjoys the music and poetics of Suzanne Vega.

Cult Of The Dead Clown (NSFW)

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Boffo: Cult Of The Dead Clown

Beware cheesegrater clowns – and those who accidentally resurrect them.

Hot Research Lab

Hot Research Lab

Another typical daily scene from B.S.Z R&D lab space.

Example Reference Links

  1. How To Play Big Science (Novel)
  2. Neuropink (Post Cyberpunk Concept)

// how to play big science