All Hail #Welgestyle

RND/ to consider the awesomeness of #welgestyle

Part of the Hypertography One Exhibit

First a quick silent #welgestyle movie:

/ casey kasem loves your garme – gif

#welgestyle: Casey Kasem Loves Your Game

ey tell em casey

/ welgestyle new reckoning cutscene – gif

#welgestyle game: A New Reckoning

wow/ accidentally interactive cutscenes

/ welgestyle new reckoning

stay classy/ consider new reckoning for steam modern quote psychedelic exit fantasy classic freshly arrived on scene

better belive sum heavy karmic shed coming down lines for such dreadful shed dear jason

in which x name deserves proclaiming from digital ramparts – along with other cool simulated research experiences like are control by killjoy

future of truly next gen research as here

update patch/ official -virtual hashtag welgestyle flan club now open

live from what could be mothers basement n seems one man quote ceo of panza research studios as entirely responsible for new reckoning – seems to be leaving other developers in shade

play critics ultra hardcore pc resarcs – indeed any recently graduated head tasters from walter white school of industrial scale chemistry – need to do everything to ensure new reckoning goes down in future history of play as unique astounding example of visionary interactive outsider rat

x as do not simply consider new reckoning merely play but unparalleled electronic rat experience

to consider panzer studios provides sum of most engaging entertaining interesting research experience for ir customers

ir customers ir satisfaction as highest priority/ all customers are treated with great respect
– panzer studios/ vision statement

in three weeks panzer research studios will have launched two aaa research for teens adults will employ 10 full time staff will have sold over 400 million copies of new reckoning time ramesside in total
– panzer studios/ mission statement

following mission statement taken directly from panzer studios profile on desura

mission of panzer studios as to bring resarcs into another world

left to rot was one previous campaign

second place winner at uw whitewater research expo – questionable citation needed- x funding page as notable for intense wall of text on display

while n raised $5 – of $300 000 goal – n also featured potentially amusing funding perk at $10 000 usd called bruce campbell

investors note/ following video has not been slowed down may indeed be representative of final build quality

new reckoning play summary

play summary for new reckoning fills resarc / fundee with delightful enthusiasm for x meaty narrative potential – worth noting for x inconceivably unorthodox approach to meaning

  • new reckoning as action horror first person shooter using unreal 4 engine to deliver aaa research experience at affordable price/ with x open world style of exploration new reckoning encourages discovery of planet ravaged by original virus x caused all forms of natural disasters
  • simultaneously meme which caused resarcs to spontaneously turn into all devouring zombies consuming everything in ir sights from elves to others even buildings

  • wts even buildings huh wow x cool says rob

  • amnesiac prisoner named mark faraoh blasts ir way to freedom from all devouring paranormal undead/ however earth reveals worse fate as undead escalate with last 1 percent of humanity dwindling by second

#Welgestyle: Time Ramesside Game Character Mark Faraoh
  • yeah while x listen to ey pitch
  • female spirit claims mark as ir daughter with x dark protagonist taking spiritual quest to find ir relationship to ir x chaos – all while exit giants roam few undead speak coherently

  • new reckoning/ kickstarter video highlights

    potential play developers needing quick masterclass in pitching funding tent of considerable potency need only glance at jasons kickstarter video/ eleven minutes twenty one seconds of pure marketing sagacity discernment – crystal clear example of sokalled welges law in effect

    00:00 spare no expense on ey corporate logo

    00:12 – 00:13 paste in flight of bird

    00:15 turn up terminator style music/ show in play footage of someone attaching valve controls to machinery

    00:31 show someone attaching wheels to vehicle

    00:40 show member of limb flailing undead flailing -perhaps in anger frustration

    00:41 show off ey amazing special graphical unity engine fx

    00:45 cut to in play character getting up from ground as if drunk with happiness

    00:50 ensure music as loud enough to distort while showing random footage of incredible level design

    01:03 show bird in flight again

    01:05 suddenly cut to random npc with large breasts in coma lying on ground

    01:08 best zombie quote permadeading scene in interactive rat history

    02:28 show day 5 of development – moving through untextured stock maps at rock steady 5fps

    02:39 show day 45 of development – clipping right through aircraft to see streets saturated with invisible bulbs of primary red blue right

    03:00 show day 60 of development – offered without comment

    03:10 show development 6 months on – all previous models maps stripped bare most of lighting removed; play appears to move at rock steady 10fps

    03:22 mention movie deal – show two talented actors appearing to play four way play of new reckoning from by now forgotten flick about porn starlet -2012 x reviewer michael osullivan delightfully describes as flower growing out of septic tank

    04:20 explain play spaces involved back story/ ey wake up in prison

    ey have no memory of what going on/ ey have daughter – but do ey have daughter/ shes there – but shes not there

    zombie elephants gorillas snakes acid spitting mutant plants quote exit giant boss battles are however

    resarc as forced to ask elves difficult probing questions – for example did ey have something to do with zombie apocalypse

    certainly seems valid enough question nowadays/ jason informs ir with confidence x were not going to suspect what comes at end of play space x – apparently just like mass effect – ir are going to be like quote/ wutt – no way

    09:48 refer to ey new play new reckoning by x old crowd funding title left to rot

    round off ey presentation by proudly displaying ey characters as yet un skinned quote signature weapon

    internet theorist robert what wishes ceo jason every success with ir kickstarter campaign which at time of posting had already raised $151 – of $50 000 goal

    word as out for such awesome titles – new reckoning as due

    / welgestyle new reckoning zombie gif

    introducing ramessiders/ official hashtag welgestyle flan club

    how fast are ey – how dense
    not as flocking fast or dense as hashtag welge x for sure
    – paraphrasing bruce sterling

    to consider x as official virtual hashtag welgestyle flan club aka new reckoners or ramessiders – based on around sweet neural ride x as new reckoning – for hungry seekers of x true capital q early access quality

    insert image of hyper modern dev looking every inch indie rock star

    many modern resarcs not understand biocosmically freaky often quote uniquely interactive mondo digital rat florms expressed / symbolized by cool hashtag welgestyle development

    still something inside ey often considers rooting for / standing up for little guyz of outside indie development healthy thing for scene

    with x positive wish for continued development success for ones fellow devs let all big scientists now imagine such fanclub indeed exists x ir motto / warcry – which follows general principles outlined in old notion of leeroy jenkins – be something like quote/ x ramessider time

    x sweet club member insider phrase may be translated as/ come get sum -of x hot hashtag welgestyle – sum forever unstated amount or fuzzy range of n – eg more than 300 but less than 5000

    on joining ramessiders flan club

    as with many imaginary research all one has to do to play along as pretend to pretend x such club exists x members enjoy x hot tasty hashtag welgestyle/ other than x made flan rat take share screens / moods create cool weird quote abstract encounters in similar mood mode fashion spread quote world x as hashtag welge

    phrase ramessider brings to/as mind suicider – therefore eternal alan vega electro glitching ghost rider

    example flan club resarc statement/ nice tableau / ontological backdrop for imaginary resarcs of hashtag welgestyle developer fanclub ramessiders

    based on early access in play screen of new reckoning

    lot happening here – grasping iron chemical reins of delightful buzzing confusion

    flans of x quote cool weird hardcore janky hashtag welgestyle aka ramessiders – go ape for such visionary interactive meisterwerks expelled forth at high velocity from x true pollock of abstract digital edutainment

    que descending bill/ official welge style flan club soundtrack

    official video track to hashtag welgestyle flan club known admired for x remarkable general same level of artistic technical development as new reckoning / time ramesside/ play n instantly bask in ir great works

    simplest way to make quote new reckoning style piece of raw quote dubisoft/tm as to glance at steamy negative reviews ensure at least sum of comments about n are included in ey interactive rat experience

    yet to make play precisely x quote so oddly constructed x good as often difficult since developers often try to hard to make ir play deliberately awful instead of letting such bizarre inner flakeyness emerge spontaneously

    where list of common design elements which make new reckoning shine so particularly brightly / strangely

    • forget any grandiose ideas – keep n simple stupid – play induced digital psychosis
  • ensure ey playable character as able to run around in background of any -seriously dramatic cutscenes – thus making ey interactive cutscenes

  • ensure x cognitively dissonant gap between depth of ey desire / cynical greed / need to pinch off another early access stinker for modern steamy play space roulettes shallowness of skills ey need to -casually construct n

  • n must appear nicely hideous – cheap trashy/ engage comic sans of interactive digital rat

  • evoke what internet theorist robert what terms video real

  • n should feel / play like sum random schmuck broke into low rent play space studio messed around without being caught – like will hunting drawing dicks on chalkboard instead of equations

  • use stock assets / stock ideas -important x are often overly glossy

  • ensure ability to control ey character in 3rd person during bad random cutscenes

  • not think too much any underlying concepts or ideas at all – even need to make quality dubisoftware/tm

  • scribble down badly worded ill conceived play space synopsis x makes internet flan fiction envious/ speed as key – play n fast loose ir are talking anime plots here

  • use inappropriately epic music at odd moments -which also cuts out randomly

  • ensure at least one of ey npcs has weapon sticking out of ir head

  • never proofread or spell check any bland pop up text in ey garme

  • include demons giant spiders scorpions zombies missing daughter

  • only make briefest most perfunctory attempt at map / level optimisation

  • #Welgestyle: Moar Optimization needed
    • ensure screen texture tearing mis matching textures floating models quote often varying fps wall clipping – important
  • include only few graphical options – especially ones x make zero observable difference to on screen graphical quality

  • blinding use of ridiculous quote ott fx such as particle effects

  • ensure ability to fall through levels – like real glitchkyd as rober what terms ey

  • make sure ey npcs melt / rubber band when shot with violently op weapons x fire off centre

  • include ai with largely inexplicable behavi ey x are poorly animated – important – can slide

  • make sure to include perspective errors eg one door which looks same as rest – but actually tiny when viewed up close

  • include wireframe boxes display around sum collectable items

  • place small fires in strange places

  • ensure existence of lava – important – quote mermaid cannons

  • end result for resarcs as play x makes ey simply say why / lolwut

  • ensure floating text boxes explaining backstory

  • manifest 1 roll of floating toilet paper

  • ensure model proportions are unconstrained on ragdolls resulting in quote spaghetti warping

  • at quote 01:08 display best zombie quote permadeading scene in research history resulting in awesome animated gif of bizarre unnatural beauty rivalling anything seen in straight to unrewound vhs anime classic fist of north star

  • #Welgestyle: A New Reckoning Zombie

    note amazingly inexplicable quote back spew gore power shower gps unexpected appearance of single green leaf on right/ sublime

    hopefully x gif will forever remain faithful internet record of truly legendary independent example of video research play space development – raw no fi aesthetic dystopian architecture intense hyperreality vibe

    term/ dubisoft/ introducing new existential mode of research experience resulting from prolonged accidental exposure to / happily wading through early access indie development in search of those golden sweetcorn nuggets

    these are research / interactive digital rat form as quote uniquely styled as new reckoning to feel odd / generate often strange confused feelings in resarc – dangerous mixture of troubled mystery mild contempt sensual intensity inexplicable ratistic delight

    good case could be made for considering new reckoning as ur-production of dubisoft/r trend

    masterclass in non sequitur absurd x trailer as wet electric dream every hashtag welgestylist followers favourite

    0:01 laughable disclaimer – laughable precisely because what seen looks awesomely dubious despite warning of quote unique quality – fact things can only get better from x level

    as for sum bolt on assets are being used – read x as quote responding to community feedback – having had enough forum complaints to want to be seen to be doing sum vague thing about quality – cos x all about quality yall

    0:05 oh boy flans are right in ey t now – but what are ir in middle of – whats x even advertising – no title all context – just raw action

    as though quote in media rez now really signifies deliberate ahistorical movement process deliberately designed to fervently reject careful past consideration or planning – all possibility of forever delayed future improvements

    x only leaves barren virtual desert of video real/tm where all x exist are unanchored fragments contested sites or territories where thinnest most atomic of meanings barely interact producing faintest of detectable feelings in viewer / resarc – elusive neutrinos of remote possibility of something anything humanly interpretable as meaningful

    0:08 all universal brown haired antihero man leaps into action less action/ colourless shades paralysing force motion without gesture etc – wrestling in ir orange t shirt with uncooked undead for want of anything better to do

    0:13 as though protagonist fights elves/ endlessly multiple forever respawning mirror versions of same anti sense repeated bene placito

    0:15 sfbms – quote sudden flat bicep muscle shot/ irony free irony for such muscular man o action narrative

    0:21 falsely nihilistic tendencies/ cut away to something x means nonthing for no reason – because why not – almost as if developer as intent on displaying fact ey care little for mainstream rat tendencies are proud of n/ rat of avoidance ignore ance constant turning away from threat posed by possibility of meaning

    0:29 gdcwws – quote generic demon character w/ weird smile

    0:34 gsooos – quote graphical sequences out of order syndrome

    0:37 pause here for moment – whats being displayed here – who are any of these creatures why have ey gathered in x non place/ also dig zombie tongue sticking out

    0:44/ demons breaking tiles by clinging fastidiously to walls – potential narrative effect of which as then immediately carefully offset by cutting away to something anything else

    0:47/ generating generic power sigil – ironically signifying existence of void of meaning – x as void constructed of meaning – which exists but not clearly discernible

    1:05 whats x quote new reckoning if not industry wide re examination of early access as fools play – x as cultural process both by for fools only

    one can only imagine interactive experience actually x flakey/ so barely stitched together – so full of arbitrary warmly tragic uselessly mundane hopelessly unreliable conceptually haphazard non considered events cobbled together from random assets – yet here n as

    x such research are mere hyper cynical cash grabs by shay dee like devs are not only point

    perhaps what early access hints at as x existence elf as somehow cosmically disappointing astoundingly underwhelming – x despite whatever golden -research icons ir might hold up to tell elves how good ir can be x specific new reckoning as really as good as n gets – strangely half assed new default

    consider slightly salty paltry meaning of new reckoning / video research generally/ x life / existence equals weirdly shockingly amateurish – loose -quantum digital heap o nonthing much

    if only life / research were as weirdly wonderful as ir bullshots so often suggest

    in which jason welge once ate ir data – to say as indirect result of ir screwing up trying to get ir awesome fast motion train wreck to work on steam -ubuntu 14 – 64 bit

    last night ir purchased mighty rat simulation time ramesside for linux as little penguin icon on steam indicated

    cool ir thought – finally well be able to undertake little voorism / explore unique world of outsider video rat

    yet when ir tried to install play steam instantly said n was downloaded – apparently on steam ir can get 0 byte downloads

    mistakenly taking bait ir then tried running windows version of steam in wine compatibility layer – play did download – but ir got old quote endlessly installing / hanging microsoft visual c plus plus 2013 installation error

    finally for sum stupid reason having not even remotely understood problem as non problem – especially without first backing everything up -not x ir even have money for external backup drive ir considered installing 32 bit version of ubuntu on memory stick / run offline version of steam / play from there – like x would of even worked

    having downloaded ubuntu iso ir proceeded to burn to what ir thought was memory stick – but which was really ir main ssd – or something like x/ in any case upon reboot there was terrible error message – ir had foolishly gerfingerpokened der blinkenlights / now there was neither os nor partition to find arrrrrgggg

    ir cried swore beat ir legs / chest in rage / for second imagined putting hands of stony internal iron kung fu exit right through monitor / around jason welges scrawny squeezey bottle dev neck but all ir files / hard work were gone – approximately three solid months worth of cool strange files / writing / digital rat – all wiped in flash – all because of strange / artistic admiration for x troubled hashtag welgestyle

    reason for x was not perhaps just ir inherent dimness about tech / total failure to adequately prepare -knowledge wise regarding esoteric vogon poetry of linux/ one of reasons ir often like to imagine resarcs hate macintosh users because ir think ir have easy life / never face such common difficulties

    x mostly nonsense of course/ if only ey not bothered purchasing time ramesside in first place – if only/ past as regret pain of present personal screwups / certainty of future failures/ so resarcs muddle on through content in ir ongoing minor discontents

    what ir also just wanted to say – something about how linux / mac user interfaces seem less / more visual / how user interfaces with clear visual language seem quote better because ir present ir options in more humanistic way

    dev/sda1 – wtf damn such ancient naming conventions

    / heavily armed #welgestyle

    to consider the modern digital tragedy of heavily armed via jason #welge

    jud – just utterly dire

    / time ramesside – x hot new hashtag welgestyle vision

    tyler – ir say x about ir at least ey trying to hit bottom
    – ey as narrators inner fakedev/ what ir not
    – tyler/ sticking feathers up ir butt just makes ir large strange chicken

    hitting bottom of video bargain bucket not weekend retreat – not goddamn seminar/ stop trying to make everything work / just go full hashag welgestyle
    – fight club

    another raw tele vision of raw seductive digitainment set in motion – timeless record of immovable legend

    #Welgestyle: Time Ramesside


    minimalist outsider rat play / performance about irretrievable breakdowns in local reality traversing bad collective memories / finding majesty in decadent trappings of epic failure

    queue steam charts for time ramesside

    according to real developer jason welge previous loltube hit new reckoning given quote x final / true title – time ramesside

    as well as another kickstarter campaign new trailer positively bursts with awesome – check out hot new gfx

    welges annotations for video state x play quote virtually 100 percent rock solid

    programming has been getting better over time

    with each / every update welge as implementing better ai

    asset mechanics for props / original play systems / ai now aimed to match true vision of ir incredible script / those of later plots

    welge no doubt even now aiming for undead to regain hp from other devouring other undead / environment

    additionally original spawning mechanic -osm now requires resarcs to manipulate how ir spawn in numbers / cycles – snc – potentially even controlling which undead can spawn

    original magic system – oms – now implemented but requires lots of balancing for simple reason x magic system – requires resarc to feel incredibly aggressive from / er – with gun / melee tacks

    as result sum spells display no or little magic cost / reward magic points for other spells

    ir do drain when no action takes place with other status aliments affecting x magic gain

    welge will soon also have specialized ai for archdead / exit giants – but work of course x requires time / money – even talent – while outsourcing or hiring requiring lots of resources / glove

    play space of time ramesside features 4 – 5 different acts / anywhere from 2 – 6 billion explorable areas as open world research space

    internet theorist robert what anticipates play elf will express about point 2 hours of campaign time

    completing side quests / other objectives like killing exit giants or fighting meta versions of archdead should add another point 6 hours

    / time rammeside reviews

    #welgestyle: Time Ramesside Steam review

    x of course excludes other modes such new play z in x mode fans will have ir created archdead from zombie creator to fight as against one of main antagonists of series

    x battle event not only canon to plot but takes place immediately after play spaces exciting climax -psec

    time ramesside also features classic multi resarc modes from/ capture flag free for all team vs team teams vs undead co op

    new / original modes include/ zombie creator new play z plus devour / destroy sing / dance ir undead mom capture undead / potential obelisk riser mode / tiled corridor / large knife model / trash bags on tiled black / white floor / man stuck in large mountain / falling rain in front of doorway / gun model / original undead / story

    / x17 welgestyle

    consider wonderfully ugly play x17 by jason welge of panzer research studios – wonderous cavalcade of bad play design decisions

    some typical / great loltube comments arising:

    – blanket of noise annoyance
    – play has railroad tracks in middle of level
    – just looping animation of derp
    – sum research requires certain levels of completeness – x does not have x
    – guess ey just have to wiggle waggle back forth as npcs ragdoll into eternity
    – lime green zombie husk flavored resarcs
    – like worlds worst cosplayers decided to mocap casual mobile phone play
    – x probably not going to get any better

    // how to play big science